Friday, January 4, 2013
Doing nothing but aging.
I'm sitting here in my office when a song starts playing... sounds familiar and distant, from another time, even another life. Reminds me of someone I used to be, and I'm not quite sure I'm still that me. It talks about the place that I was born in, a place I love so much, a place where I really belong. Talks about coming back to it, to where we started.
I did that once already, I came back. Everything was not new, it was all the same as it was before I left, but it made me feel alright inside, being back. Smelling the old smells, eating what I used to eat, with the people I used to. It was all fun for a while but then it started to fade again. It felt dull like it used to, it felt painfully familiar and not exciting.
How many times are we allowed to get bored and start over? They've warned me, the people: "Dude, you can't be doing this forever you know? Going back and forth..." But why can't I? If it's ok with me, shouldn't it make everyone happy? That I pursue what I want, here or any other place? Yeah it gets tiring, to change to your old phone number and then back again to a new one every once in a while, but it's just a freaking phone number, a damn postal code.
I guess in the end it's a matter of caring too much of what other people feel about your decisions, but what is really important is that we are ok and in peace with whatever we decide to do with OUR lives. 'Cause it's our life, not theirs, and if we screw up, we will pay the consequences and if we succeed, we will get to enjoy our success.
So the question is for myself and the answer should only come from within... am I ready to do this all over again?